Full of Grace
by ivegotproblams
Summary: Kaka/Saku - "You're not coming back." Her voice broke towards the end as she said it. - I don't own anything!
1. Full of Grace

She felt the whoosh of air behind her before she felt him. As Sakura turned around to talk to him, her eyes fell on his hurried figure - packing. "Kakashi?"

He didn't move to greet her, just went around his living room stuffing things into a travel bag that shinobi used on missions.

"What's going on?" She walked nearer to him, only to stop as he glanced over at her.

"Mission." Not alot of information, but the exact minimum that he could say. She understood the need to keep a mission under wraps. Letting someone know who wasn't directly involved was dangerous. Without waiting for any kind of answer, he moved to his bedroom to continue stuffing his bag.

A sigh bubbled up inside Sakura, but she swallowed her disappointment down. "How long are you going to be gone this time?" If she wasn't watching him, she would've missed the way his hand froze momentarily before shoving an extra shirt and some scrolls into his bag. Her brow furrowed in puzzlement as she closed the gap between them and brought her hands around his waist, letting a sly smile fall upon her face as she let her fingers play on his chest. "You know it's not against the rules to tell --"

Almost too quick for her to follow, Kakashi grabbed her wrists, escaping her hold and moving himself to another part of the room.

Puzzlement became worry as he dodged her question again. It wasn't like him not to tell her how long he would be gone. She did the same for him. It was mutual consideration for the other person. The answer of why he was ignoring her questions hit her like a swift kick to the chest.

_The winter here is cold, & bitter_

_It's chilled us to the bone,_

_I haven't seen the sun for weeks,_

_Too long, too far from home._

_I feel just like I'm sinking,_

_And I claw for solid ground,_

_I'm pulled down by the undertow,_

_I never thought I could feel so low,_

_And oh darkness I feel like letting go._

"You're not coming back." Her voice broke towards the end as she said it.

Heaving a sigh he stopped his packing to turn to her, the scowl on his face prominent even through his mask. "Probably not."

Her hands shook as she felt for the bed, the shock of his statement making her dizzy. Sure, she had realized early on that every shinobi had an expiration date. But to take a mission like this knowing beforehand that it would most likely kill him, she couldn't stand it. "W-Why are you doing this." Stating, not questioning, knowing he probably wouldn't answer her anyways.

He gave her a small eye crinkle, knowing that she'd know it was a lie, but doing it anyway to convey that he was alright with the mission. "It's my duty." And with that said, he turned back to zip up the bag in his hand.

Taking a steadying breath, she focused on the back of his head. "What about... us?" She could feel her heart start to beat faster -- it always had in his presence -- and bit her tongue and urge to keep nagging him until he told her why he'd taken a suicidal mission.

Not even turning back to look at her, Kakashi made his way to the front door, leaving Sakura trailing behind him as if in a daze. Almost too quietly to hear, he responded. "There is no us, Sakura."

A hitch in her breathing let him know she'd heard. "B-But..." Sakura could feel the attack on her system, her heart to be more precise. It felt like with those four little words he'd wrenched it out of her chest and repeatedly stomped on it.

He turned to look at her with his bag on his shoulder and his hands stuck lazily in his pockets. "No strings, remember?"

Hurt spread thoughout her body as she recalled the day they'd started -- whatever it was that they had. It had started out as purely sexual; a way to release their anxiety, fear and depression over memories and missions. The key words were it started out. Somewhere along the line, she fell for him -- hard. They started going out drinking together, and that turned into training together, which then turned into them barely ever being apart from one another. Every one of their friends knew that if you wanted to find one, you were going to end up with both. Somewhere along the line, things changed. She had thought, foolishly, that it wasn't one-sided. But seeing him now, leaving without a hint of -- well, anything, made her amend that thought.

_If all the of the strength and all of the courage,_

_Come and lift me from this place,_

_I know I can love you much better than this,_

_Full of grace,_

_Full of grace,_

_My love._

"Were you even going to tell me that you were leaving?" With barely a pause, she carried on her accusation. "If I hadn't been here, would you have even tried to find me and tell me that you were about to go get yourself killed or would you have let me worry and wonder what the hell had happened to you?" Pain laced her voice, making the words taste poisonous.

Kakashi didn't say anything, unable to lie to her face. He'd known that he wouldn't have told her, because someway or another she'd talk him out of going. His throat felt like it was swelling closed. It was almost as if he could hear the heartbeat that lulled him to sleep every night for the past year, sputtering and slowly dying. But, there was nothing he could do. It was better to end it now, he shouldn't have let it carry on as long as he had. But a part of him, and he didn't know how big a part of him it was, didn't want to let her go. Knowing after every mission that she'd be there to keep the nightmares away and kiss his eyes open each morning -- it was heaven. Pure and simple. And then an offhanded comment by Anko, put everything into perspective. He was holding her back. Fourteen years her senior. She needed something better than an old man with a scarred past.

_It's better this way, I say,_

_Having seen this place before,_

_Where everything we say and do,_

_Hurts us all the more._

_It's just that we stayed, too long,_

_In the same old sickly skin,_

_I'm pulled down by the undertow,_

_I never thought I could feel so low,_

_And oh darkness I feel like letting go._

_If all of the strength and all of the courage,_

_Come and lift me from this place,_

_I know I could love you much better than this,_

_Full of grace._

It was as if someone had reached the climax of the greatest story they'd ever read, and knew, even though they kept reading til the end, that after the climax, the book was finished.

Not able to take her tear-filled gaze, he left though the door, letting the cold November air flow through and hit her slumping figure. As the sobs erupted from her throat, Kakashi leapt to the roofs. Knowing if he turned back just once, he'd go back and apologize -- beg her to forgive him and forsake the mission. But as he reached the gates, he stilled, and though he promised himself he wouldn't, he turned around to take in the country that he would die for.

Civilians were bundled in their jackets going from store to store. Children were making snowmen and throwing snowballs at one another. And the shinobi -- his friends... their friends -- were walking at a slow pace, taking in the snow.

This was why he did what he did for a living. This was why he had chosen to become a shinobi. To protect the people, the innocents, the love -- of their fire country.

A part of him knew that he loved Sakura, but the bigger part knew that this was his duty -- his mission -- and he'd see how it played out.

Turning back around, Kakashi nodded his goodbye to the guards and jumped to the trees. His only hope was that he survive this mission, and return to his beloved Konoha. And, maybe, if he returned from this, Sakura would be waiting.

_I know I can love you much better than this,_

_It's better this way._


	2. Better In Time

_It's been the longest winter without you  
I didn't know where to turn to  
See somehow I can't forget you  
After all that we've been through_

It had been mid-November when Kakashi left -- now, it was the beginning of March, and no word had come. Every day, it felt like her heart was broken further. She had no hope that after all of this time he might still be alive. It would be foolhardy. So, after a few days of self-loathing in her apartment, she went back to her work at the hospital. She was a strong and capable kunoichi, she didn't need a man to complete her. Even if said man had been part of the reason she had gotten up every morning for a time. Just to see his quirky eye crinkle or feel his unmasked lips on her neck.

She inwardly sighed. Knowing that he wasn't coming back and actually, realistically realizing it were two different things. Every knock on her door or breeze through her window sent her into another downward spiral. Naruto and Sasuke tried their best to help her get over him, but even the bright smile on Naruto's face or training with Sasuke, hadn't helped.

_Going coming thought I heard a knock  
Who's there no one  
Thinking that I deserve it  
Now I realize that I really didn't know  
If you didn't notice you mean everything  
Quickly I'm learning to love again  
All I know is I'm gonna be OK_

Sakura had her monthly meeting with Tsunade in a few minutes, to discuss the runnings of the hospital. And knowing her shishou, her personal life as well.

Passing the empty desk next to the Hokage's door, Sakura frowned, wondering where Shizune and Ton-Ton were. Shrugging it off, she walked over to the double red doors and gave a short knock before entering. As she shuffled around the papers in her hands to find the quarterly evaluations, silence met her entrance.

Finding it odd that her shishou hadn't said anything to her, she looked up to find a table full of representatives from Rain staring at her... and her shishou glaring at her entrance.

Sakura's eyes widened as she took in the situation. She would never hear the end of this from her mentor.

_Thought I couldn't live without you  
It's gonna hurt when it heals too  
It'll all get better in time  
And even though I really love you  
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to  
It'll all get better in time_

"Her." A lithe, blonde woman pointed at her, a smug smile falling across her face.

Looking at Tsunade, confused, Sakura looked towards the woman and tried her best to cover up her mistake. And as she was prone to do at times, she began to babble. "I'm so - I didn't... Uh - I'll just be -" She pointed back at the doors and started to inch towards it.

"Sakura." Tsunade was looked at her, perturbed. Motioning to an empty chair, she watched her apprentice sit awkwardly.

Turning her attention back to the delegation, Tsunade answered the woman with a swift 'no'.

But the woman wasn't to be bothered with it. "You agreed, Hokage-sama." She absently motioned towards Sakura. "She will do." Tsunade started to say something, but was cut off as the woman stood up and walked over to where Sakura sat. She picked up a lock of her pink hair, her smile growing. Keeping a hold on her hair, the woman looked back at Tsunade.

Though the woman wasn't to be swayed, Tsunade still protested. "Naya-san, there are many applicable kunoichi. There's no reason for you to choose -- that one."

Sakura watched the precedings, extremely confused. But when Naya grabbed her hair, she almost stepped into the conversation. There was no reason for her not to as she saw it. The current discussion was about her. And she couldn't even express the annoyance that it was causing.  
_  
I couldn't turn on the TV  
Without something there to remind me  
Was it all that easy  
To just put aside your feelings_

So wrenching her hair from Naya's fingers, Sakura addressed the room. "What exactly are you wanting me to do?"

Naya's head turned to face her, as a sickly sweet smile came upon her face. "You, my dear, are going to marry my son."  
_  
If I'm dreaming don't wanna laugh  
Hurt my feelings but that's the path  
I believe in  
And I know that time will heal it  
If you didn't notice boy you meant everything  
Quickly I'm learning to love again  
All I know is I'm gonna be OK_

Sakura's eye twitched and she looked toward her shishou to see if it was true.

The defeated look upon Tsunade's face told her everything she needed to know. At the shadow of betrayal that crossed Sakura's face, Tsunade quickly explained. "It's not an arranged marriage." A snort from one of the commission, had her follow up her statement. "Not exactly an arranged..." She sighed, resigned. "It's a treaty. Between our countries."

Sakura racked her brain for something to say, but ended up looking down at her lap, lost in thought. She realized the importance for Konoha to be alligned with the other countries. They never knew when another Sound would pop up. And then, the Akatsuki was still at large.

Realistically, it wasn't that much to ask for in return for another ally. They were agreeing to do so much in exchange for so little. In this case, the end would justify the means. And it wasn't as if she were waiting for anyone. Not that anyone would care if she married someone else. Even if he was... Even if he was there, he probably wouldn't care.  
_  
Since there's no more you and me  
It's time I let you go  
So I can be free  
And live my life how it should be  
No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you  
Yes I will_

A sob bubbled up in her throat, but all that came out was a barely discernable whimper. She knew what he would want her to do.

Blinking away what tears had gathered in her eyes, she gazed around the room, looking every one of them in the eyes, prior to landing on her mentor. A moment of understanding passed through Tsunade's eyes and she gave a reluctant nod before clearing her throat. All of the heads in the room turned to look at her hardened features. Her eyes wandered the room then landed on Naya. "I expect you to work with one of our shinobi on the contract." Moving her eyes over the other Rain representatives, she gave a nod toward her assistant. "See them to their rooms and contract Nara Shikamaru immediately." Letting her gaze fall on Sakura, she waved her hand absently towards the delegation. "You stay."

Shizune opened the door to let the commission through. Most of the council left. All that was left was Naya, her hand keeping another beside her.

Tsunade leveled Naya with a cool glare, but knew her duty made her have to speak to the other woman civily. "Naya-san, shouldn't you and Kinnan be off?"

"Not just yet, Hokage-sama." She twisted around to stand in front of Sakura, dragging the Kinnan behind her. "Sakura-san, I'd like you to meet Kinnan." Sakura watched intently as Kinnan was revealved to her.  
_  
Thought I couldn't live without you  
It's gonna hurt when it heals too  
It'll all get better in time  
And even though I really love you  
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to  
It'll all get better in time_

He had dirty blonde hair and striking blue eyes, but he wasn't smiling. In fact, he looked to be in pain. "Okaasan." His voice was quiet, and had an embarresed tinge to it.

But Naya wouldn't have any of it. She pushed him forward til he was almost in Sakura's lap, a ghoulish expression on her face. "You two should get to know each other. The wedding will be in a month."

Tsunade and Sakura looked at Naya in a mixture of outrage and distress, while Kinnan just hit his hand against his forehead.

Kinnan looked at Sakura, his hand running down his face and his cheeks tinged with pink. "I'm so sorry. She's... a little extravagent."

Sakura looked at him, torn between laughing and crying. She was going to be married to someone she knew nothing about -- didn't love -- and for God's sake she was still in love with that baka that had left her with a shattered heart.

A piece of her wondered if maybe -- somehow -- he might still be alive. That he might be on his way here right now. And when he got through the gates, he'd run to find her. And -- when he got to her, he'd sweep her off her feet and kiss her. Maybe even tell her he loved her and wouldn't want to live if she wasn't in his life.

_Thought I couldn't live without you  
It's gonna hurt when it heals too  
It'll all get better in time  
And even though I really love you  
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to  
It'll all get better in time_

So lost in her thoughts, all she knew was that her feet were moving forward and her waist was covered with a warm arm.

She knew that this wasn't a time for what if's and maybe's. Kakashi was gone. He was never coming back. And she had to accept it.

Turning toward the man beside her, she let a strained smile come over her face. "I guess getting to know each other would probably be a good idea."

He mirrored her forced smile, and nodded. "Hai."


	3. Near To You

It was the next week before Sakura and Kinnan had the time to get to know one another.

After leaving the meeting at the Hokage's office, they ran into Naruto and Sasuke coming back from a ANBU mission.

Needless to say, it didn't go well when Kinnan introduced himself.

_He and I had something beautiful  
But so dysfunctional, it couldn't last  
I loved him so but I let him go  
'Cause I knew he'd never love me back_

Naruto punched him and Sasuke's scowl became more pronounced. After that, Sakura made Kinnan leave so that she could discuss the situation with her old and extremely protective teammates -- after making them promise not to lose their heads. They both reluctantly agreed as they looked at her pleading expression. So, they listened to what was going on, and why she was suddenly getting married after moping around for months about Kakashi.

They weren't happy, but Sasuke eventually nodded his understanding. Naruto on the other hand, immediately stormed to the Hokage's office and made a rather large scene which only ended after Tsunade hit him on his head -- hard.

And although she wished she could have their support, neither of them really had the time to stop by and get to know the shinobi that Sakura was engaged to. Between missions and training, they barely had time for Sakura herself.

Which was fine with her. She was busy with her work at the hospital and the realization that within the month she would be married to a man she knew nothing about.

_Such pain as this  
Shouldn't have to be experienced  
I'm still reeling from the loss,  
Still a little bit delirious_

Which led Sakura to her current circumstances.

Kinnan had met her at the hospital after her shift and taken her to eat. The meal was silent and awkward, ending with Sakura pushing around the food in her bowl and Kinnan staring dejectedly at his chopsticks.

"This is unbelievable." Kinnan muttered under his breath, making Sakura glance at him out of her peripherals before she nodded her agreement.

"I know." Sakura's voice was small and Kinnan looked over in time to see her grimace.

The situation wasn't fair on either end, but what could they do? Their countries were both highly depending on this alliance. The only thing that made sense was to make the best of their position.

With that in mind, Kinnan swiftly stood and gently grabbed Sakura by the arm. Seeing her confused expression, he let a gentle smile spread across his features. "Come on."

_Near to you, I am healing  
But it's taking so long  
'Cause though he's gone  
And you are wonderful  
It's hard to move on  
Yet, I'm better near to you._

Not really caring one way or another, she got up and let him lead her to the bridge Team 7 used to use to meet at when they were still genin. They sat side by side, hanging on the railing and watching the water ripple and flow under them.

"Ishida Kinnan. 24. Blue. Otto. Hai. Hai. No." Kinnan round out as though she had asked all of the questions that were wandering around in her mind.

Sakura scrutinized the shinobi next to her, wondering if he was clinically schitzophrenic. It was like someone turned on a switch inside of him. "What are you talking about?"

A grin fell over his face as he watched her eye twitch. "This will be easier if we go into this with open eyes. So, I answered the most common questions when people are getting to know one another."

Her jaw fell open slightly, and for a moment she looked like a fish out of water. But after a few minutes, she closed her mouth. "What sort of questions? I understood the name and age, but what other things did you disclose?"

He ticked off the questions on his fingers. "Name. Age. Favorite colour. Pet's name." He glanced at her, his eyes sparking with merriment. "I have a turtle, if you were wondering."  
_  
You and I have something different  
And I'm enjoying it cautiously  
I'm battle scarred, I am working oh so hard  
To get back to who I used to be_

Sakura couldn't help but let the light laugh escape the confines of her mouth. "A turtle?"

Kinnan put his chin up, as though he was offended -- but the smile twitching at the side of his lips said otherwise. "Otto is an exceptional pet." Lowering his head, he looked towards her, grinning widely. "And besides, if he ever tried to run away, he'd only be a few steps away."

That little joke left Sakura in a burst of genuine laughter. She couldn't even remember the last time she'd laughed, really laughed. Which caused her giggles to quiet, but left a smile playing around her lips. "What about the other questions?"

Kinnan raised an eyebrow but answered. "Well those are easy." Continuing to count down on his fingers. "Hai, sometimes I like to try on girl's clothing." He saw Sakura's eyes widen out of the corner of his eye, but continued on. "Hai, there are people who have embarressing pictures that they could use to blackmail me. And no, I don't usually run around the village naked."

At each statement Sakura's eyes got larger and larger. Tears began to leak from her eyes and she clutched her hands to her stomach like she was in pain.  
_  
He's disappearing  
Fading subtly  
I'm so close to being yours  
Won't you stay with me  
Please_

Suddenly out of the joking mood, Kinnan touched her shoulder worriedly. But when she looked up at him, the bright smile on her face and the small guffaws coming from her, made him just roll his eyes. "It's your turn now you know."

Once she was able to breath again properly and her laughter had receded, she nodded and started answering the same questions -- though she would let a snicker come out every so often. "Haruno Sakura. 20. Green. No pets. Yes. Probably. And definitely not."

_Near to you, I am healing  
But it's taking so long  
'Cause though he's gone  
And you are wonderful  
It's hard to move on  
Yet, I'm better near to you._

After that, the conversation flowed. Going from their genin days to what their parents were like and what growing up was like in their villages. The one thing they didn't discuss was their upcoming nuptuals. It was a rather large problem -- situation -- for them both, but they were having too much fun talking about nonsense to broach it.

"So what about the Copy-Nin? You told me he was your genin instructor, right? I mean, I have heard amazing stories about him and his work. I mean, how many ninja know over a thousand different techniques?" Kinnan asked, looking up at her from his position laying on the wood of the bridge.  
_  
I only know that I am  
Better where you are  
I only know that I am  
Better where you are  
I only know that I belong  
Where you are_

It was an almost instant change in her persona. Her shoulders slumped. The mischevious twinkle that had appeared during their conversation, dulled from her eyes. And absently she made a grab for her chest, as though feeling the pain of his departure all over again. "We were friends." Her sentence was short and clipped. "He left on a mission a few months ago." The grip on her chest tightened and she looked away towards the training grounds they had used to spar. "He didn't come back." Her voice wavered as her eyes became distant.

Several long moments of silence accompanied her last statement. It was obvious to Kinnan that whatever had gone on between the two had ended badly and he felt horrible about bringing her pain. He was about to apologize when she shook herself out of it and turned her attention back to him. But though her expression had changed and she sat straighter, her hand still clutched her chest.

_______________________________________________________________________

_**A/N: I promise this is going somewhere! This is a two part chapter. I know it doesn't make a lot of sense, but I've sort of got an outline for about the next 6-7 chapters. If you have any advice or ideas, leave me a review and I'll probably incorporate it if it goes along with the story. **_

**LOVE TO MY REVIEWERS!!!**


	4. Haunted

Another sleepless night met Sakura in it's cold, malevolent embrace. The bed that she used to find warm and safe now left her feeling disheartened and wanting.

_Louder, louder  
The voices in my head  
Whispers taunting_  
_All the things you said  
Faster the days go by and I'm still  
Stuck in this moment of wanting you here_

Too many nights she'd spent held in his firm grip, feeling both cherished and content, and knowing that when she woke up, he'd still be there -- that he'd already be awake, but holding her, and deliberately splaying his fingers across her stomach. Like most mornings, both would be bared to one another after a long night of intimacy that not only left her with blushing cheeks when she went to work that morning, but also with the knowledge that more than likely, there would be a repeated performance that night. And now... nothing jovial was present but tainted memories of what she could never have again.

_Time  
In the blink of an eye  
You held my hand, you held me tight  
Now you're gone  
And I'm still crying  
Shocked, broken  
I'm dying inside_

So she lay in the bed, night after night, reflecting on the somber thoughts that filtered through her mind's eye uncensored. The violent collision after a particularly formidable mission. Sneaking knowing glances at one another during meetings or time out with their friends. The exhilarating feeling when they went out to a bar, and ended up in the alley outside, with rough bricks breaking her skin and his callused hands gripping her hips. Torn sheets. Shredded clothes. Broken furniture. Hell, there was even a few times at the training grounds where their combined passion caused a large crater -- which was actually rather a hard thing to explain to Tsunade.

And it was all gone. No more quick kisses in the halls of the Jounin station. No loving arms to keep her warm at night when she was chilled. No looking into his eyes and knowing that he wouldn't leave ever her. Because he did -- with a smile. He walked out of her life the same way that he came in -- indifferent.

_Where are you?  
I need you  
Don't leave me here on my own  
Speak to me  
Be near me  
I can't survive unless I know you're with me_

His name had been inscribed onto the memorial stone a month and a half ago. There was no hope from anyone that he might be alive, it had been too long. The funeral was a small affair -- only his closest friends, Tsunade, Jiraya, Shizune, Ton-Ton and Sakura -- Naruto and Sasuke had been out on an S-classed pursuit, and hadn't come back until a few weeks after. It was depressing and after the stone was engraved, Sakura left. There had been no need or reason to stay... no body -- no real way to say goodbye to the man she'd given her heart to and had it returned to her in shattered remnants.

Sakura knew -- could feel it deep in her soul -- that she would never be able to love someone as deeply and want someone so dearly... She just couldn't. Not again. Though she wasn't even positive there was an ounce of love left for her to give.

And for that reason she felt horrible about dragging the sweet and kindhearted Kinnan into a situation that left them both bereft.

They had gotten to know one another for the last few weeks and finally talked about their upcoming marriage that would ultimately align their countries.

They had talked about each of their pasts during the different times that they were free to get together, and Sakura was more or less surprised that they had compatable personalities. But even then, there was still something that distressed her about him. When they were going through all of the things they'd be giving up for this merger to work... they became stuck on one thing -- the vows. Love. Obedience. And abstaining from taking other lovers.

Sakura could see them being friends, companions even, through this, but when she thought about him in a husband like role, her mood turned bitter. Though his mood hadn't been much better. Learning to obey another person, wasn't very likely. And there was no question of whether or not Sakura would ever take another lover, it hadn't crossed her mind. The answer was an extremely firm no. Although he had left her behind without a care, she still held the memories of their time together dear to what was left of her heart.

_Shadows linger  
Only to my eye  
I see you, I feel you  
Don't leave my side  
It's not fair  
Just when I found my world  
They took you  
They broke you  
They tore out your heart_

But Kinnan... he didn't even have a choice of being in the marriage. His okaa-san had thrown him to the Sound nin and didn't look back. It seemed as though as long as he was out of her hair, she had no problems. He would never talked about the lovers he had beforehand or if he had someone that was waiting for him back in Rain. That wasn't saying that Sakura hadn't tried to get him to tell her, feeling horrible about making the fun-loving man frown, but on that subject he closed up his otherwise long-winded banter.

And that worried her. She had nothing left to lose, but Kinnan... who knew what all he was losing by going into this.

Thankfully, their nuptials had been postponed until her shishou, Konoha's elders, and the council from Rain had come to an agreement with the wording and comprised deeds of the contract. If one of the countries was happy with the outcome, the other was not. It was already rather long, but when one of the country's representatives got through with it, it was impossibly long. Both sides hoping that the other would rather sign it than to actually read it. Needless to say, the trust between the countries was still fairly shaky. Which just furthered the need for an immutable pact -- like marriage -- between them.

Giving up on sleep, Sakura grabbed a light afghan to rap around herself as she walked to the small window seat that she had in her living room. The sun's first rays of light came through the flurry of clouds that covered the illuminated sky, before cascading through the panes on her window, brightening the otherwise dark room.

_I miss you, you hurt me  
You left with a smile  
Mistaken, your sadness  
Was hiding inside  
Now all that's left  
Are the pieces to find  
The mystery you kept  
The soul behind a guise_

A sigh bubbled through her lips unfiltered -- and instead of swallowing it down -- she let the soft, distressing sound reverberate around the small alcove that she sat in. It was times like this -- between twilight and dawn -- that she missed him the most. She could still feel him nuzzling her tousled hair, as he rolled over towards her half-asleep. Or the way he'd grab at her while she was getting ready for a shift at the hospital, and ended with her getting sidetracked and running a few hours late. The times of falling asleep by herself on the grounds after training, and then waking up, wrapped in his arms, on one of the higher branches while he read that ridiculous book.

Sakura couldn't help but have a small bitter smile appear at the melancholy recollection that thinking of him produced. Getting up, she dropped the blanket back on the seat and went over to slip on her sandals and grab a light jacket to protect her from the cool night air.

Not knowing where she was going, she was surprised that the path she was running -- across the roofs and in the trees -- was leading her towards the memorial. Sakura clenched her hands into fists, angry that her subconscious would drag her here. She hadn't been here since the funeral, and the sight of the gleaming stone that held so many fallen shinobi -- friends -- left her lips quivering. Jumping down from the tree she had stopped in, Sakura dejectedly began to walk the short path. Leaning down, she let her hand glide over the smooth, ebony surface, her fingers automatically landing on the most recently added shinobi. Tears built up in her eyes as she let her fingers trace the caricatures of H, A and T, before her hand fell with a mournful cry, her head following soon after.

_Where are you  
I need you  
Don't leave me here on my own  
Speak to me  
Be near me  
I can't survive unless I know you're with me  
Why did you go?  
All these questions run through my mind  
I wish I couldn't feel at all  
Let me be numb  
I'm starting to fall_

Sobs shook through her body as the sky brightened with the approaching sunrise. The hand that hadn't fallen, continually hit the stone -- not able to concentrate her chakra to demolish it -- and not having the strength to do anything more than sit there and strike at the slab with an open hand.

Hours passed, the sun rose, yet she stayed in the same position, her fingers lightly scratching at the corners of the memorial. The loud cries shortened to hiccups. The hiccups changed to sniffles. And the sniffles led to the deep breathing of an unconscious sleeper, and dreams of the future she had lost when he walked out the door.

_You were smiling_


	5. Just A Dream

_**A/N: I would just like to thank all of my reviewers! You have no idea how much I appreciate and look forward to them. Your support helps so much when I've got a case of writer's block. Thankfully for this chapter, all I needed was a song. I know it's a sad story so far, it's probably not going to get any happier. But I'm going to bring Kakashi in one way or another. I'm just not sure of how I'm going to proceed with that. If you have any ideas, leave a review and I'll take them into account! And this is my personal best and longest chapter I've ever really written... I hope it's okay!  
**_

_Now on with the story..._

She was woken from her stupor by a young chunnin who's name she didn't know. "Haruno-san?" His voice sounded like he was torn between being worried and impatient, as he looked on her sad state.

He made a move to help her up, but Sakura just waved it off, standing up on shaky legs with the support of the memorial she had fallen asleep against. "What is it?"

The chunnin cleared his throat, feeling awkward for having disturbed her. "Hokage-sama wishes for you to meet with her at the tower." He waited until she nodded in acquiesce before leaving.

She ran a trembling hand over her tired face and then through her pink locks. Her eyes were killing her and sleeping against such an unfriendly piece of stone hadn't helped the pain that was developing steadily in her back. She drew some of her chakra into her free hand, directing the flow towards her lower back, and then her eyes. It would do no good to see her shishou with pain and a headache distorting her judgement.

_It was two weeks after the day she turned eighteen  
All dressed in white  
Going to the church that night  
She had his box of letters in the passenger seat  
Sixpence in a shoe, something borrowed, something blue  
And when the church doors opened up wide  
She put her veil down  
Trying to hide the tears  
Oh she just couldn't believe it  
She heard trumpets from the military band  
And the flowers fell out of her hand_

Letting out a slow breath, Sakura darted up into the tree nearest to her, and quickly made her way towards Hokage Tower.

For a few moments, Sakura contemplated whether to jump through the her mentor's office window or whether to actually go inside and come in through the double doors. She shook off the thought, knowing if she did go in through the window, her mentor would more than likely get upset. Besides, it wasn't exactly polite behavior -- in Sakura's opinion -- and with the visiting council, it would be better to be announced, than to accidently enter with a meeting between them... again.

Not really paying any attention to the people roaming the tower, as she flew up the steps. As she walked to the double doors, she gave a slight smile towards Shizune, who looked as though she hadn't slept in days. Ton-Ton snoring steadily from behind the desk, confirmed that thought.

Knocking, she heard a brisk 'Enter' from Tsunade. As she opened one of the doors, Sakura was dumbfounded to see yards of white stretched all throughout the Hokage's office. Her gaze moved around the room, which looked as though a snowman had thrown up in it.

Tsunade cleared her throat, bringing Sakura's alarmed eyes to look at towards her mentor. "Wh-What's going on, Shishou?" She tried to keep the stutter from her voice, as she figured that one of the horrid white things was going to be her wedding kimono -- she could barely keep herself from shuddering.

_Baby why'd you leave me  
Why'd you have to go?  
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know  
I can't even breathe  
It's like I'm looking from a distance  
Standing in the background  
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now  
This can't be happening to me  
This is just a dream_

Feeling uneasy about the whole situation, Tsunade let her eyes flash with sympathy, before they hardened into the cold diamond glower that she was known for. "I've had the dressmaker bring his wedding fabrics over."

Stunned, and still feeling the after affects of her night -- and morning -- Sakura slumped into a chair close by, her head bowed. "Arigato, Hokage-sama." A lump was forming in her throat, but she was able to form a sentence of thanks towards her teacher.

This wasn't how it was supposed to be. Picking out the material for your wedding kimono was intended to be a joyous and wondrous occasion that you did with the women in your life that you felt close to. It wasn't expected for the event to feel forced and bitter.

Her fingers tightened on the arms of the chair she had fallen in. Even without chakra, the wood was splitting with the force being exerted upon it.

It wasn't that Kinnan wasn't a good man -- he was. He was everything a girl could dream of having the chance to marry. He was sweet, kind-hearted, talkative, sensitive, understanding -- the list could go on and on. But he wasn't...

_The preacher man said let us bow our heads and pray  
Lord please lift his soul, and heal this hurt  
Then the congregation all stood up and sang the saddest song that she ever heard  
Then they handed her a folded up flag  
And she held on to all she had left of him  
Oh, and what could have been  
And then the guns rang one last shot  
And it felt like a bullet in her heart_

A crack sounded throughout the room as the chair arms broke into pieces. ...him.

Tsunade leaned her elbows onto the desk in front of her, letting her chin rest on them as she observed her student's turmoil. "Sakura."

Sakura glanced at her teacher as she rubbed the remnants of the wood from her hands. "Hai, Hokage-sama?"

Resisting the urge to roll her eyes in aggravation, Tsunade chose to narrow them. "You're not a matyr. We are not using you as a sacrificial lamb. You're doing your duty to Konoha. Just like every shinobi in our country." An afterthought... "Think of it as a permanent mission." She watched as Sakura nodded slowly.

Knowing that her bright student would have already figured that much of it out, she pressed on. It was better to get it out now, then to have a scene at the wedding. "Entire villages are massacred almost daily, open to the enemy because they didn't have allies." Seeing Sakura loosen her hands from their balled up position, she continued. "But..."

Sakura's head snapped up from it's downward position and she looked at Tsunade apprehensively. Buts were never a good sign when it came to her. Things usually went badly when that word was involved.

Asserting that she got her pupil's attention, Tsunade began, dropping her Hokage persona and going back to the mother-like woman that mentored her. "I'm not going to force you to do this." Her eyes softened as they took in the seemingly defenseless girl. "You have your whole life --" She stopped as she saw Sakura's hand come up.

_Baby why'd you leave me  
Why'd you have to go?  
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know  
I can't even breathe  
It's like I'm looking from a distance  
Standing in the background  
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now  
This can't be happening to me  
This is just a dream_

Her chin rose as she swallowed down the lump blocking her throat. "I understand. But my mind hasn't changed." Getting up from the now unfixable chair, Sakura began to peruse the different fabrics, her back to the desk and the woman behind it.

"And your heart? What does it say?" Tsunade prodded, hoping to get the girl to see that this wasn't going to leave their country in ruins if she chose not to marry the heir of the Ishida clan.

Not turning around, Sakura continued to run her fingers in the different materials, but she let her eyes close as a jolt of pain shot through her. Carefully keeping her back to her shishou, she held up a bolt of silk, pretending to be looking at the pattern embedded upon it. "Every time I listen to it, the results are disastrous. I've learned it's better to ignore it." Opening them back up, she continued surveying the inventory that had overwhelmed the usually large office.

Hoping to hit some kind of nerve within Sakura, Tsunade kept talking. "And what of Hatake?" Had she not been watching her apprentice as closely as she was, she would have missed the tight clench of Sakura's jaw.

No matter how much time went by, it was still a sore subject. Yes, she knew that her pervert of a lover would have never settled down. But every time they were out and passed by a happy family, she couldn't help but want to make a life with him. So many times as she lay awake -- his head on her chest and her fingers running through his uneven silver locks -- her thoughts turned to thinking about a small wedding.

_Baby why'd you leave me  
Why'd you have to go?  
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know  
I can't even breathe  
It's like I'm looking from a distance  
Standing in the background  
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now  
This can't be happening to me  
This is just a dream_

The day would be slightly cloudy, and the cherry blossoms would be in bloom, falling all around the small encampment as they waited for the ceremony to start. She never really planned on how her kimono would look, she only saw him as he waited down the short aisle -- his mask over the lower portion of his face, relaxed in his clothing -- having forgone the traditional garb -- with his eye crinkling madly as she glided towards him.

Now, whenever her thoughts turned in the direction of 'what ifs'... the slightly cloudy day became a dangerous thunderstorm. The trees that held the blossoms would be brown, with no hopes of any living thing growing on them. And the people that had come, gave their condolences for her loss. Nothing waited down the aisle but a tarnished and rotting coffin, the lid nailed shut, preventing the person inside from any hopes of an escape. But that didn't stop her from hearing the screams of despair and agony as the lid was hit again and again from the inside.

Realizing that she'd been off in her mind again, Sakura quickly stated, "He's dead." Finally turning to look at the Sannin, her words flat and the emotion behind her eyes carefully controlled. Grabbing with her right hand, she picked up one of the bolts of material and set it on the desk, before turning away.

Tsunade looked at the fabric on her desk before calling out to Sakura, "Where are you going?"

_Oh, this is just a dream_

Stopping, Sakura turned to gaze behind at the woman that made her proud to bear the name kunoichi. "I've got a wedding to plan." And with that, Sakura brought her head back around and resumed walking.


	6. Art of Losing

**_Author's Note: Yes, I know, I finally updated. lol This is really a transition chapter that I got into mind when I was rereading the story last night. The song is "Art of Losing" by American Hi-Fi. Great song. Completely random for the story though. Anways, thank you for all the alerts and favorites. If you feel like chewing me out or giving me ideas, a review is always a good idea. XD_**

**On with the story...**

The negotiations were still being held as neither side would concede to less than they thought they were owed. But they were getting closer. Which led Sakura to the situation she was currently in.

_Last call now I'm outta time  
And I don't got no valentine  
Singled out, now I stand alone  
The underdog in a modern world  
Suburbia is hot tonight  
But nothing seems to feel alright  
I don't want your sympathy  
I just need a little therapy  
At least that's what they say to me _

She'd spent the week since she talked with Tsunade in a flurry of wedding plans. Decorations. Flowers. Invitations. Fittings. The works.

It wasn't her ideal wedding in any way -- too big and flashy for her tastes -- but it wasn't for her, or Kinnan for the matter. None of it really was. It was a huge, elaborate production for the people of Konoha and Rain. A bond. A contract. A treaty.

_Hey ho let's go  
I'm gonna start a riot  
You don't wanna fight it  
One two fuck you  
Don't tell me what to do  
I don't wanna be like you  
Can't you see it's killing me  
I'm my own worst enemy  
Knock me down I'll keep on moving  
It's the art of losing_

Kinnan was being such a help though. He was there every step of the way, putting in some of his input here and there. Which was such a relief for her not to have to do it all.

After their day of making plans, they'd go out for dinner, and then go to one of the places in town to talk. Just to talk.

There had been no physical interaction between them except for the friendly hugs they gave one another when they left to go their separate ways.

It was awkward for them both. But, unless someone was watching very closely, they usually dismissed it as a couple having cold feet. They were too comfortable with one another to be stiff and professional about the whole mess.

When they were out, they acted like the perfect couple. When they were alone -- that's when depression hit. Sometimes it was Sakura that cried as he held her, others it was him resting his head on her lap and letting her rub his head. And at times, they just sat next to one another, neither saying anything, but taking comfort in the fact that they weren't alone.

_Fit the mold and do what you're told  
Get a job and start growing old  
9 to 5 can make your dreams come true  
But I don't wanna be like you  
I'm not cool and I'll never be  
I break the rules and I guarantee  
I don't want your sympathy  
I just need a little therapy  
At least that's what they say to me_

So, when the sneakily gathered intel on the couple reached the Hokage's ears, she sent for two of her best and brightest -- most of the time -- ANBU. Turning to face her windows, she waited glancing surreptitiously at the letter on her lap, her hands steepled in a thoughtful position.

They arrived in no time, jumping through her open windows and settling themselves on the sill.

Tsunade barely spared them a glance, instead, looking out over Konoha's inhabitants. "Uchiha. Umazaki."

"Baa-chan! Why does he get to be first?" Naruto looked at her with his large blue eyes. "I thought we had something special. We --" He was cut off, falling to the ground, as a large angry bump rose from his head.

Her eye still twitching slightly, she called out for her assistant. "Shizune, come here." A harsh look marred her usually youthful features as she looked over the city.

A few seconds later, a hesitant Shizune made her way over to the chair Tsunade was resting in. "Hai, Hokage-sama?"

Tsunade narrowed her eyes as her thoughts consumed her. It was time. She only hoped that she wasn't too late. Turning her attention-- but not her head-- back to the two ANBU, she began to try to fix the mess she had created. "I need you to find Sakura-"

"Tsunade-sama!" and she frowned deeply as Shizune's troubled voice overlapped her orders. Which also brought on questions from the energetic blonde. "Neh, Baa-chan, why do we need to find her? Didn't you just see her? Is she okay? Did you want to go out for Ramen later?"

"Enough!" Her head turned sharply and her eyes narrowed dangerously. "You will find her and bring her here within the hour or so help me, you will both be back to genins permantly."

Seeing that the three had their mouths firmly shut, she turned her attention back out to the city. "After you find her, I will debrief you on your mission."

Not one to question orders, Sasuke frowned, but said nothing because he knew that Naruto wouldn't let the Hokage off without explaining why they were getting the old Team 7 back together -- the majority of it at least.

And sure enough, Naruto got up from the ground, scratching the unbruised side of his head. "But, ba --" A paperweight from the desk flew across the small space, hitting Naruto straight in the nose, "OW!" causing it to start gushing blood on the area around him.

Tsunade looked on, a smile tugging at the corners of her lips, but a throat being cleared made her turn around in the middle of her search to find her hidden sake, to find the two still standing in the same spots. Her brow furrowed as to why they hadn't left yet, before she rolled her eyes and turned back to her hunt. She waved them off half-heartedly. "Dismissed."

_Hey ho let's go  
I'm gonna start a riot  
You don't wanna fight it  
One two fuck you  
Don't tell me what to do  
I don't wanna be like you  
Can't you see it's killing me  
I'm my own worst enemy  
Knock me down I'll keep on moving  
It's the art of losing_

With that, the two highly skilled shinobi leapt from the windows and went to ask around for their friend's whereabouts.

A knock on her double doors, indicated someone wanted to see her, but she continued her fruitless search for sake. The knocks became more insistant, and Tsunade scowled. She would need to have another talk with Shizune about playing hide and seek with her alcohol. "Come in already."

A slumped figure approached with papers in his hand. "Ah, Hokage-sama. Here is the newest draft."

Taking the papers in hand, Tsunade started to peruse them, her scowl becoming more pronounced. "Things are seem to be in order." She peered up at him through narrow eyes. "What did you do, Nara?"

Rubbing the back of his head absentmindedly, Shikamaru sighed. "I stayed up most of the last few nights to get it done." Muttering under his breath "--so troublesome--" before continuing. "It should be agreeable to both countries now."

_You call me a loser  
Say I'm just a user  
But I'll just keep on moving  
Cause that's the art of losing _

In a flash, Tsunade grabbed him by his jounin vest and lifted him up, looking him straight in the eyes. " Who else knows about this?"

Shikamaru frowned, not even putting up a bit of a struggle because he knew it would be useless. "Ino knows I've not slept the last few nights and that I've been working on something for you, but she doesn't know what."

Carefully, she set him down on the ground, before touching his shoulders. "Nara, I need you to promise me that you won't say anything to anyone -- from our country or Rain, especially Rain, until we've worked out the kinks."

"Tsh... There aren't any kinks." This was so troublesome. He'd already promised he'd spend the day with Ino... now he has to put up with another woman who ordered him around.

Dropping her hands from his shoulders, she pierced him with a glare she usually saved for Jirarya when he came to do research. "You will not tell anyone. Do you understand."

What would have been a question in any other tone, but in hers was a fact. If he said anything to anyone, there would be dire consequences. Rubbing his face, he nodded his head and started out the door. "--women... so troublesome--" he muttered as he left her office.  
**  
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

"This is an extremely delicate mission." She looked meaningfully at Naruto, who pouted and crossed his arms across his chest.

"Hai, Hokage-sama." They replied, but while Sasuke's tone was sharp and Naruto's was a bit sluggish, Sakura's just sounded fake and forced.

_Hey ho let's go  
I'm gonna start a riot  
You don't wanna fight it  
One two fuck you  
Don't tell me what to do  
I don't wanna be like you  
Can't you see it's killing me  
I'm my own worst enemy  
Knock me down I'll keep on moving  
It's the art of losing_

Grabbing a scroll from behind her, she tossed it to the dark-haired shinobi. "You leave immediately. You should reach Suna by tomorrow if you don't slack off." Looking pointedly at the fair-haired boy, she continued. "No word to anyone about your whereabouts. I expect you back next week." And with that, she turned back to her desk, opening and closing different drawers while she looked for where Shizune had hidden her sake.


	7. Carry On My Wayward Son

**A/N: Wow, it's been a long ass while, hasn't it? I don't really have any excuses. I just haven't had it in me to write anything. A sort of writers block if you will. I could've updated, but it would've been absolute crap and personally, I hate when authors write just because they think they should update. Longest chapter to date. :D Anywho, enjoy and leave a review if you like!**

Chapter 7: Carry On My Wayward Son

_CARRY ON MY WAYWARD SON _  
_THERE'LL BE PEACE WHEN YOU ARE DONE_  
_LAY YOUR WEARY HEAD TO REST _  
_DON'T YOU CRY NO MORE_

He didn't flinch at the blood showering down around him as he cut through the men surrounding his person.

It had taken over a month to zero in on the rogue ninjas' compound. And 4 more to fully intergrate into the inner circle.

Kakashi knew that Tsunade was going to have his head for taking so long. His mission exacts were to take out any and all threats found. However, it never said to do so immediately. It hadn't occurred to him until he'd been searching for the hideout that it didn't need to be his last stand. Yes, in any other case it was a suicide mission. Ninjas usually didn't infiltrate their enemies lives. It took too long for one thing. For another, if he were found out, he would have had every available ninja on his ass and even he didn't know if he would have made it out without severe injuries.

So, he took his time.

_ONCE I ROSE ABOVE THE NOISE AND CONFUSION_  
_JUST TO GET A GLIMPSE BEYOND THIS ILLUSION_  
_I WAS SOARING EVER HIGHER_  
_BUT I FLEW TOO HIGH_

He wanted... No, he needed to get back to her, to his cherry blossom. His gut had been twisted since he stepped foot out the door. He could vividly recall the look of complete heartache on her face, and it pained his own that he was the one that put it there.

He finished slicing through the enemy to his left, spinning as he threw a kunai at the ninja coming at him from behind. Not stopping to wipe the blood dripping down from a gash across his forehead, he ducked and rolled, kunais and senbons clashing at the spot he stood a second earlier.

It was never truly meant to happen. They were entirely too different and yet, somehow she had wormed her way into his very soul, understanding him better than he understood himself.

_THOUGH MY EYES COULD SEE I STILL WAS A BLIND MAN_  
_THOUGH MY MIND COULD THINK I STILL WAS A MAD MAN_  
_I HEAR THE VOICES SAY I'M DREAMING_  
_I CAN HEAR THEM SAY_

He was an old, emotionally frigid and broken excuse for a man. He never dreamed he would find someone to want him for more than a quick screw. But, she changed all that.

* * *

_When he first met her, she was barely a girl, too frilly and violent, and quite certainly, scary as hell. He had no idea about what to do with her. She wasn't that talented, or interested in the skills he was teaching, so to his regret, he pushed her aside and focused on the boys. _

_Which wasn't that hard considering who they were. _

_The last surviving Uchiha, and the Kyuubi. Both immensely powerful and full of the need to learn. So, little by little she slipped further into the background, and if it weren't for her occasional outbursts, he would have forgotten completely. _

_CARRY ON MY WAYWARD SON _  
_THERE'LL BE PEACE WHEN YOU ARE DONE_  
_LAY YOUR WEARY HEAD TO REST _  
_DON'T YOU CRY NO MORE_

_Kakashi hadn't seen her for what she was, what she could be. Instead of focusing on her strengths and helping her learn skills for her talents, he had mentally marked her as a waste of time in regards to training. _

_Not that he didn't care for the girl, he did, rather reluctantly, as she grew. _

_When Sasuke left and went to Orochimaru, and Naruto left to train with Jiraiya, she went to apprentice Tsunade. They still saw each other around the village, but because he technically wasn't her teacher anymore, a strong friendship formed between them. _

_It wasn't long until they were grouped together for missions. Soon after that, he made it clear that if he had to have a partner, then she was the only one he would accept without complaint. _

_MASQUERADING AS A MAN WITH A REASON_  
_MY CHARADE IS THE EVENT OF THE SEASON_  
_AND IF I CLAIM TO BE A WISE MAN_  
_WELL, IT SURELY MEANS THAT I DON'T KNOW_

_Being partnered changed the dynamics of their friendship, as they were no longer teacher and student, but equals. _

_It hadn't hit him until an escort mission to Grass. _

_They had been surrounded, he had taken the brunt of the thieves, and he hadn't seen when Sakura went down until it was too late. It turned out that their client was not an ambassador, but a mercenary paid by someone to take the copy-nin down in any way possible. And when it was clear that his side was losing, he jammed a needle into her Sakura's neck and quickly made his escape. _

_It wasn't an uncommon occurance for their enemies to abduct Sakura. It had happened too many times when she was younger. But, this was the first time that he knew of, since she started training under the Hokage. _

_Angry at himself and furious with the man that took her, Kakashi quickly knelt down, summoning his pack and instructing Pakkun to follow Sakura's trail, while he finished the thieves off. _

_It wasn't too long after that when he found her. The people guarding her were feeble and untrained and it hadn't taken but a minute to put them down like the animals they were. _

_She was passed out cold, chained to a table, instruments of torture lining the walls and the small tray beside her. He was sure that the shot had been a sedative, and he was also sure that it wouldn't take long for her chakra to burn it out. He broke her out easily, but his mind was filled with unwanted images that appeared in his nightmares. _

_ON A STORMY SEA OF MOVING EMOTION_  
_TOSSED ABOUT I'M LIKE A SHIP ON THE OCEAN_  
_I SET A COURSE FOR WNIDS OF FORTUNE_  
_BUT I HEAR THE VOICES SAY_

_After that, he became more protective, more interactive with her. And that started the beginning of it. Though it didn't happen immediately. It was almost a year before anything occurred._

_He didn't truly know what had set them off, if anything, but from the moment her lips had touched his, he was lost... or more importantly, found._

_

* * *

CARRY ON MY WAYWARD SON _  
_THERE'LL BE PEACE WHEN YOU ARE DONE_  
_LAY YOUR WEARY HEAD TO REST _  
_DON'T YOU CRY NO MORE_

Kakashi leaned against the wall, his breathing heavy and his body filled with pain. He slid down to the floor, his left arm wrapped around his abdomen, trying to stop the bleeding from one of the huge gashes on him. He summoned Pakkun, telling him to go ahead and alert the Hokage of his arrival.

Reluctantly, and after much persuading, the canine left his friend bleeding on the stone floor.

He just needed to get up before he tried anything else.

The blood loss was starting to take it's toil, combined with the exhaustion of his body, he was close to being down for the count. But, he knew if he gave up now, then he wouldn't have a chance of making it back.

His fingers fiddled around with a pocket that thankfully, hadn't been torn, and pulled out a single pink pill.

_NO!_

_

* * *

It was his birthday, and he and Sakura were out on a simple reconnaissance mission in the east. She had been on edge since they left, twiddling her fingers and jumping from one subject to another. When they pulled over for the night, he said nothing and pulled out Icha Icha, knowing better than to intrude on what he had come to realize was her mentally arguing with herself. _

_After half an hour or so, she came over and sat on the log where he was, sitting close enough that their shoulders and thighs barely brushed against one another. _

_"Kakashi?"_

_"Hn?" choosing not to look up from his book._

_"I-uh...well, you see... there was..." she stumbled all over herself, and he couldn't help the small grin that he hid underneath his mask. _

_Setting his book down, he turned towards her, his visible eye crinkling up. "Yes, Sakura-chan?"_

_Sakura blushed, looking down at her clasped hands. _

_Kakashi could see her working up her courage, though why, he wasn't sure. Though, he wouldn't be surprised if she made a grab for his mask. It wouldn't have been the first time. _

_She swallowed deeply, before meeting his eyes. "I'm not always going to be with you. There are too many things that can happen that can separate us while on a mission. Too many variables that could lead to you not coming back, or me not finding you in time." Her brow furrowed, and her eyes turned inexplicably sad. "You're always so worried with my welfare, that you never take care of your own." _

_CARRY ON, YOU WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER_  
_CARRY ON, NOTHING EQUALS THE SPLENDOR_  
_NOW YOUR LIFE'S NO LONGER EMPTY_  
_SURELY HEAVEN WAITS FOR YOU_

_She took a steadying breath and reached out to take one of his hands in hers, dropping a small pill case into his hands and clasping them with hers. "These are a last resort. If I'm not there, or I'm... dead, and you're dying, take one of these. There's two in there." _

_He knew he had a questioning look on his face, no matter how faint it was, and that she caught it. "It will basically freeze time. You won't be aware of any pain, your blood will clot and poison will be trapped in the same place as when you took the pill." _

_CARRY ON MY WAYWARD SON _  
_THERE'LL BE PEACE WHEN YOU ARE DONE_  
_LAY YOUR WEARY HEAD TO REST _  
_DON'T YOU CRY _

_Kakashi looked at her, slight shock in his face. He had heard rumors about such a thing, but never thought it to be a reality. For her to get her hands on something like this... and for him no less. _

_She grasped his hands tighter, her eyes pleading. "It's not a free life, it only works for a limited amount of time, and once that time runs out..." She bent over, her forehead against their hands, pausing there before lifting up just enough to see his face. "Once time runs out, every thing that's wrong and killing you will come back three times as hard and three times as fast." _

_He kissed away the tears that had slowly been making their way from her eyes, and gently cradled her face in his hand. Leaning in and kissing her forehead before pulling her to him.  
_

_She held onto him, wrapping herself around him, and making his swear not to do anything stupid. All he could do was hold her, because he couldn't promise. He didn't know what his future held, and he refused to lie to her. She knew that, too. So, she just tightened her hold around his neck, trying to bury herself deeper into his warmth. _

_"As long as I'm able, I'll always come back to you." he whispered into her hair, unsure if she heard him, but needing to say it out loud. _

_He didn't know why Kami decided that this gorgeous girl would be his saving grace, nor did he really care at the moment... all he knew was that he was hers and instead of making him want to run, he felt as if he could fly._

_Little did he know that only days later he would be assigned an un-ranked mission of suicidal proportions._

_DON'T YOU CRY _

She had made him promise not to use it unless it was a last resort. As he looked around himself, he knew that this was his only chance.

_DON'T YOU CRY _

Kami help him make it in time.

_NO MORE_


End file.
